I have always always always been stubborn and independent. Which did occasionally (heh) cause problems. One time, in particular, I think it was while my spouse and I were courting I tried to assert myself to my mom as a person, and she was like, what do you think GOD thinks of that (independence)? the subtext here is that women are to be dependent on men. God wants them to be helpless and need protection and never have their own agency or assert themselves – that men will find independent women undesirable. Which is funny, because my parents raised very strong independent children 😛

I always felt wrong for being a protective person. I will defend the people I care about, I will be the one throwing myself on the grenade, I have always been this way. One of my earliest memories involves me on a playground sticking up for the kids being picked on, I have always been a defender, I have always been stubborn, I have always been independent, and no amount of shaming was able to get rid of that.

I’ve never been the damsel type, and this lie has made me feel wrong and broken for much too long.