Even when I was in debate, learning logic and critical thinking, I was told that women are incapable of logic, critical thinking, and being level-headed. Women are completely dictated by their emotions and therefore are less smart than the mens.

So, I spent my childhood realizing that emotions are horrible horrible things and systematically shutting them down, trying to make my brain more like I imagined a guy’s because that was inherently better.

Because I was born female, I clearly was subject to my emotions, couldn’t think for myself, and needed men to protect me. Women are barred from making big decisions and being in leadership because of their emotions.

I thought if I purged myself of all emotions I would be stronger. I didn’t want to be one of those women.

I’ve spent the last 5 years trying to undo the last 18 – realizing that having emotions doesn’t make me weak, and not having them doesn’t make me strong.